Self-punishment and Self-rejection cannot lead to a positive change 

There are two types of motivation: negative motivation and positive motivation.
Negative motivation is a little like fool’s gold – it seems great on the surface but it is ultimately ineffective and unsustainable.  Frankly, this is the motivation that most people are used to.  Most people, who struggle with weight, absorbed a lot of this growing up – they were punished and reprimanded, but very rarely got the support and encouragement they needed.  In school they got a lot of red pen marks on their schoolwork but not a lot of positive remarks.  The focus was on what was missing – what should be fixed or corrected.  Punishment for perceived failures in their childhood has fueled destructive patterns of behavior in their adulthood.

 When we talk about weight – many people want to change because they don’t like themselves.  They view their weight as an outward manifestation of their inner self-hatred.  They judge themselves for being heavy.  This leads them to make choices that involve self rejection and support their self hatred. 

 When someone doesn’t like themselves often the choices they make are unconsciously “set up” to fail.  The failure supports the unconscious position they have taken – that there is something wrong with them.

 Extreme diets and extreme exercise programs – where pain and self denial are intended to bring about a positive result – are classic examples of a plan destined to fail.  But people who don’t like themselves use these “diet programs” to essentially punish themselves.  These diet programs are outwardly focused.  There is some outward image, some goal weight that the person is pursuing.  Outwardly focused ideals usually deny the inner experience.

 When someone hires a trainer or joins a fitness boot camp they may be unconsciously looking for someone to yell at them and punish them.  In this type of scenario there is no room for vulnerability or weakness – in fact that is what is judged as “being their problem”.  They believe that they lack willpower, or that they aren’t committed enough.  As they lose weight they refer to the heavy “self” with contempt.  They use expressions, such as, “I am becoming a new me”.  They are trying to distance themselves from the vulnerable and weak person who got so heavy.

 But inside they are vulnerable (that is the good news) – the patterns of behavior around food have been the best way that they have known how to cope with the pain, stress and challenges in their lives.  It is only through self-acceptance and self-love that they will ever be able to release weight.  Only when exercise is fun and intended to be fulfilling can it become a lifelong practice.  When emotional needs get met rather than denied or suppressed than food can become sustenance and nourishment for the body again.